Monday, October 26, 2009

Broke and Feeling Down

I'm in a holding pattern again. I'm broke and just waiting for Wednesday when I'll get paid again. At that point I'll be moving money around like crazy, arranging for everything that comes out pre-authorized from one account or another. Then I'll be broke again until my Hubby gets some money and transfers some of it over to me.

Then I'll pay more bills and be broke again. I'm too old for this. I really want to get out of debt but it's hard when things keep falling apart all around me (teeth, pipes, kitchen cabinets, the car, etc.).

When I don't sit around obsessing about money and paying as many bills as possible every time I get my hands on some cash I get into trouble. I buy more food than I expected and don't have enough to pay one or more bills. That's bad, although existing on ramen, eggs on toast, grilled cheese sandwiches and the like isn't great either. Sometimes you just need to buy something crazy. Like a small caesar salad at work, or prepared cookie dough to bake with the little girls. Or a pack of 3 juice boxes for Dear Child to take to school instead of her usual water (which she almost never drinks).

It's raining and grey. I'm waking up in the dark and, as soon as we change the clocks I'll be going home in the dark. I had an asthma attack today (and I almost never have them anymore). What can I say? I'm getting depressed and the financial situation is really getting to me. I think it's SAD season already.


Grace. said...

I SO know how you feel--though I do hope that the feelings are transitory for you, as they often are for me. It's the weather. It's the pre-Christmas (Chanukah) how-am-I-going-to-afford-gifts season. It's the economy. It's everything falling apart all at once rather than a bit at a time (though that wouldn't make a lot of difference since we'd still have to pay for it). And it may also be Yom Kippur still heavily on your mind, with the coming year not looking a whole lot better than the past one. But I think we're all making needed progress, albeit much too slowly. All the stuff going wrong was going to go wrong anyway, was going to need to be fixed anyway, was going to need to be paid for. At least right now, we're actually looking at it in a rational manner. Take care.

Shevy said...

You're absolutely right. It's all those things you mentioned and the grey and the continual rain that is winter in Vancouver.

The SAD makes it hard to look at things in a rational matter because it all seems to be Too Much. Plus, I'm so tired of making progress like a snail stuck in molasses and venting makes me feel a bit better. Thanks for caring!